Monday, 30 April 2012

Ho Ho Ho.......(Iam not talking to you ma'am)

Only I can make a drama out of a Xmas party........... The day started on a high. We spent thousands of dollars on toys, food & entertainment. We were going to one of the poorest countries in the world to spoil school kids for Xmas. We pulled up with the largest cruise ship in the world to a small island called Haiti. There amongst the palm trees, white sands and crystal clear ocean 5 meters away we started decorating for our party.

Chefs, face painters, entertainers & Santas little helpers were all in place and hyped up. As we were on a Caribbean beach I decided it was time for a Black Father Christmas all dressed up in floral shirt shorts and a Santa's hat. That was the plan initially and then fate stepped in. So Collette had bought a Santa suit before I decided to be Island Santa. As we were still setting up I humored them by agreeing to put the suit on for a picture only. You must understand.....its 38C with 100% humidity. Meaning that 5 mins outside and the sweat is running down your ass like Niagara. Although we were in shorts it was like walking on the beach wrapped in a wool blanket.

So quickly I jumped into this red woolen potato sack of a Santa suit for a quick pic. I had it on for 5 seconds and felt like a hotdog insulated in a foil blanket. The immense heat made my hands swell up and the sweat in my eyes blinded me instantly. Take the damn picture was all my lungs could shout. Just as I began removing my the suit............who pulls up?......but the bus with all the kids......Nooooooo!!!....... Now they all seen me and going crazy in the bus. I would not dare take the suit off now. They don't care that this long sleeved, long pants and hat is drenching sweat out of me like the water off a shaking wet dog.

As the kids were still on the bus, I gave in and had to take a chance. This was too much for me. To hell with the kids, my sanity was involved and I started taking off the suit...........only to get the Look from the wife........You know that look that just beats the shit out of you for even thinking something bad........I was weak, the force was not with me. I put the hat back on and forced a smile. So I finally experienced how a pig would sweat in a sweat lodge. Adding insult to injury I was given a crash course in French and kept on mixing up the Xmas greeting while handing out gifts. Noel joeelle....something......... By this time the suit was like cling wrap, I could only see a blur through my sweaty eyes & the gift were slipping out of my hands. Then as the older kids came they started making requests for gifts & only soccer balls. If my French was any good I tell them to "shut up and take this". After about a 240 kids I got up pushing and knocking past the kids in the ice cream line to get me some, apologizing along the way. It was the next best thing to jumping into that crystal water.

Am I proud of myself? Damn right! All the kids were given gifts by a Santa who spoke back to front french, We sang songs with them, filled their little bellies, painted their faces and most importantly I lost 6 kgs.


Bushman Diaries said...

I Love it! You do have a way with words George!!!

Your wife!

Bushman Diaries said...

Read them all...hahaha man George your blog is hilarious!
Meryl Monique Afrika

Eileen said...

Great Post!

charlene said...

Lol, brilliant:)

Shaun Bentham said...

Well done Georgie, quite the writer these days I see... Lol Merry Xmas!