Friday, 3 May 2013

My name is George and I am a drug addict

I found myself preparing for an operation that would entirely reclassify my threshold of pain. It was an immense decision not taken likely. Did the numerous infections on a yearly basis outweigh the risk of being cut open under general anesthetic. I guess it was, because there I was in a room getting ready to meet the witchdoctor whose gonna slice me open. I could feel my heart palpatations and palms go sweaty as my mind races on and anxiety takes over.

This should of been the most scariest day of my life, was not for the fact that I was the only adult patient in the room. Yes ladies and gentlemen I was surrounded by toddlers who were all in for the same procedure! Now just calm down it was still pretty serious so dont judge.

Long story short.....I was knocked out by Propofol or something awesome like that. MJ would of been proud. Doc said he will see me on the other side and so it was. A few hours later I awake still in a Zulu blues and I immediately requested a cheese hamburger even though my throat was still raw and cut up. It sure was a good laugh. Doc then gave the all clear and sent me home with some A-grade horse tranquilizer and told me not to eat for 3 weeks. And this is where the shit really hits the fan.

So my lovely caring wife looked after me like a saint but as soon as I demanded my horse pills she shut me down like a devil. Turning into a diva she hides my pills and bitches about my self control. I spelt out the word PAIN to her but she completely ignored my cries for help. So what people said about her was right all along, there was something off about her. Turning into a prison warder shouting insults at me, telling me Iam out of control and over to the top. I know the pills are every 3 hours but when water feels like you swallowing minora blades I'll take that shit every 30 minutes if I want to. What happened to compassion and empathy, I guess it gets thrown out the window because of doctors orders. Those quacks don't know crap. Was there no trust? Would I be selfish enough to abuse this liberty. Well......


So in the height of all this pain I wake up swallowing blood. Something in the plumbing came loose and blood came gushing from my mouth as if someone opened a tap. I was rushed straight back to hospital for surgery so they could seal the vessel. Once again I woke up in lalla land and with every minute I was there the pain came back harder and stronger. Thank goodness for the lovely nurses who would shoot me up with morphine whenever I sulked like a little baby. They took good care of me like a true dealer would. All I had to do was charm them with a few stand up routines and they were putty in my hand. I tell you......make a woman laugh and the world is your drug dealer. With a little sniffle they would give me all the happy pills I cry for. How could I not milk that for 4 days.

THE most pain I have ever been in. How these toddlers dealt with tonsillectomy I have no idea. All I can say is adults better beware. You will be hooked on those horse pills just to get your through the next 20 minutes. Dont worry though, its all temporary.

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